Soundless Voice
by arisuniiro
Summary: It took a moment to sink in, sitting there in the snow. But then I realized that no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't bring her back. Based on the song by Len.


_Okay, you crazy people, I FINALLY made something else. XD I hope that you enjoy it. Because it's supposed to be sad and if you enjoy it you're as crazy as me. Rate and review, por favor. Jess-chan wants reviews!! D:_

"Rin! I'm home!" I called. My face was flushed bright red because of how cold it was. Winter had come, and it was colder than ever. The snow was falling with each flake followed by twenty more. And knowing Rin, she had probably gone outside.

"RIN!" I yelled again, setting the bag of coffee down on the table. She wasn't supposed to drink anything with caffeine, but ever since I mentioned decaf coffee, she was hooked. I always kept a stock now, because she went through a lot. "RIN!" I heard her voice, faintly-- "I'm outside." Of course she is. She's not supposed to go outside when it's too cold or warm, either. Of course, she did that anyway. The only reason she didn't buy normal coffee is because I did the shopping.

Slowly, I stepped outside. She looked so beautiful, with the snow in her hair, and the melted water dripping down her face. I was pretty relieved to see that she wasn't sitting in the snow or making snow angels or something like that. She was just sitting on the back veranda, relaxing. When I came out, she turned and looked at me. Rin was smiling all over, her eyes dancing, and she said, "Don't you just love winter, Len?"

I sort of shrugged. "Come on, Rin, the doctor says you're not supposed to go outside in the cold! I'll make you coffee." She pouted a little, but she agreed to come in anyway.

"You know, Len, ever since the doctor said that I have diabetes, you've been a little bit obsessive-compulsive," Rin grumbled. I sort of turned to look at her, but I was busy making coffee. "I have not!" I muttered, glad she wasn't looking at me turning red. Yes, I had been making sure that Rin's diabetes was not going to kill her. I was worried about her, especially because she had a couple of other medical problems. Diabetes alone can't kill you, but she was also asthmatic and allergic to practically life itself. And her immune system was weak--not AIDS-weak, but weak. I was really scared when I heard about diabetes too. Her heart could fail out--the doctor warned us.

Rin was sitting on the couch. Despite all of her complaints about me being too protective, she was obviously freezing. She had a giant, thick blanket huddled around her, and she was curled up sort of in a ball. I handed her the coffee and sat down next to her. She looked at me. "I know, it's because you care," she muttered. It wasn't the first time we had been through this. I shook my head. "I don't want to go through this," I sighed, leaning against her. "Just... don't die..." She giggled. "I'll try," she said.

Later that night, I decided to surprise Rin. I normally said that she couldn't have coffee before bed. I wasn't exactly sure why she listened, maybe because I brewed it better than her. And I wasn't about to break that rule that I made myself. But I did make some hot chocolate. And I put some pretty cool things in it. A little bit of whipped cream on the bottom of the cup. Just a few cinnamon stick shavings. Tons of little surprises, because I knew she liked that kind of thing.

Orange mug in hand, I lightly tapped on her door with the back of my hand. "Come in," I heard her say from inside. I opened the door. "I brought you something." She looked up, and her face broke into a beautiful smile. "Is it hot chocolate? Or coffee?" Those were the only things we used mugs for, but since we had a lot of both, we had tons of mugs. I smiled in return. "Hot chocolate, a la Len." Rin giggled and clapped her hands together like a little girl. "I love your hot chocolate!" she cried. And that was when it happened.

I was handing her the mug, and I thought that she had a good grip. There was an in-between moment, though, where she was still trying to grab the handle, and I let go. She didn't have a good enough grip on the mug, and it fell.

And shattered.

For a second there, we both stared down at the mug on the floor in disbelief, hot chocolate pouring out from in between the cracks of the cup. And then I grabbed her hand. "Did it cut you?" I asked. Still in shock, Rin just shook her head as I thoroughly examined her hand. After I determined it okay, I let go. "I'm sorry," I muttered after a moment. "I should've made sure--"

"No!" Rin yelled. Rin never yelled. Ever. Not when our parents were still alive and beat us almost every day for minute offenses, not when they died, not when she got tested, not when she realized she had to breathe through a tube for months. And I was just so startled by her yelling that I let her go on ahead and do it.

"Len, I know how you feel! You feel like you have to protect me, because I'm just too weak to take care of myself or something. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! It's a physical issue! Not some failure in your efforts to protect me! I'm not going to stop you every time, but you have to stop YOURSELF! That time? It was MY fault! Not yours, MINE! Just... just let it be my fault!"

For a moment, we just stared at each other, too shocked to say any more bad things, too worried to say anything worth hearing. Finally I swept her in a massive hug. "It's okay," I whispered in her ear, slowly rocking her back and forth, like she was a little baby. After her outburst, I would've expected anger at this, but instead she just went along. "I forgive you, then," I said, softly, soothingly. "I'm going to clean up the mug, okay? And then I'll make you more hot chocolate." I could feel her tears staining my shoulder. "Shhh. It's okay," I whispered, then I slowly laid her down on her bed. "I'll be right back, okay?" Rin just nodded and started laying herself in bed. I walked out slowly, my mind still whirling in shock, and I closed the door. Leaned against it.

And I started sobbing. _Oh, Rin,_ I thought despairingly. _Rin, Rin, Rin! You've grown up too much! I'm too scared for you... please just let me help! Rin, Rin, Rin!_ Slowly, I took a deep, shuddering breath as quietly as I could. Rin thought that I was getting a dustpan and mop or something. I didn't want to let on that I was just sitting there crying. Tears still lightly running down my cheeks, I walked down the stairs, grabbed a mop and broom, and walked back up. Just before I walked in, I wiped my cheeks.

To my surprise, Rin had already cleaned up most of the big pieces of the mug. She was wearing thick, woolen gloves that I hadn't seen in about a year, since last winter. I saw a plastic bag, and she looked up and frowned a little. "Uh... the gloves are to keep from cutting," she said at last. I could tell that she wasn't sure what to say. That she thought I'd be mad at her.

"It's okay," I sighed, sweeping some of the shards into the bag. She smiled up at me, grabbed the mop, and started washing the floor. We had always made a good team, so before long it was finished. I grinned at her, then said, "I'll be right back." It wasn't long before I had made another cup of my hot chocolate.

"Here," I said, walking into her room. I set the mug carefully on her bedside table before I sat down at the foot of her bed. "Let's start over. Rin, hot chocolate a la Len. Hot cocoa a la Len, Rin. You may now commence with the drinking." Rin gave me her special smile, the one that she saved for me when I made her laugh on the inside, too much for her to actually laugh. "I'm sorry for yelling," she said as she picked the mug up, blew off the steam from the top, and took a deep sip. "I'm just... tired of it."

"It's okay. I'll try to stop," I said with a grin. I carefully squeezed her foot, something I had done when I was little and didn't know what a hug was. "Now, enjoy your cocoa or else." Rin rolled her eyes and took another deep drink. "Yay. Or else, please." And that was our final truly happy moment.

Because after that, nothing was ever right again.


End file.
